You got it!

You got it!

Written Nov 27, 2011 10:48am by Amber Gannon Medina

Yesterday was another good one for Mirabelle (and for me!)

First of all, I cannot tell you how exciting it is that Mira is pooping. Do most mothers feel that way? I know I've heard that a lot of new mothers become "obsessed" with the pooping habits of their new babies-color, texture, frequency. However, I am just excited that she is moving her very small bits of food through her digestive system. And I have to admit its just one more thing she is starting to do that makes me laugh (she can really fart up a storm! And yes, I can't help but laugh at that-I am a 6 year old in that area). Yesterday, she had quite a few dirty diapers and noisy explosions and because I am finding the positive in everything I can, I was happy to let the nurse change her diaper. With her still being attached to a catheter, I am a bit nervous trying the diaper changing out. I think once she gets better, I might start asking if I can learn how-I've tried to make up my mind to not be intimidated by medical things-how can I when my daughter is hooked up to a million things? Wannabe nurse here I come!

The other really exciting part of yesterday was that Mira had TWO of her lines removed! When we arrived, she had already had one of her pleural tubes (the one that was draining her right lung area) removed by the physicians assistant. Later in the day she also had her picc line removed. I hope to talk to her doctor in order to understand why they chose to remove this line rather than the ancient femoral line that has been giving them trouble. I find it confusing they took the picc line out less than a week after they made a huge production (and put her through a lot of turmoil) of inserting it. However, I figure that whatever the reason, it is just another step towards getting all of these tubes and wires OUT of her little body!

All of this is very exciting because each thing that is taken out means she is one step closer to us being able to hold her. It was also explained to us that many times all the lines and plastic that are inserted into her body can contribute to the inflammation that she is struggling with. When her body notices that something foreign is there, it defends itself and that causes an inflammation response. So with the removal of each foreign object, I am hoping her body can focus on healing, rather than fighting each of those unwelcome guys.

Yesterday was also another wonderful day because for the most part Mira was in a great mood. When we arrived she was pretty sleepy and half awake with her eyes closed. However, after a bit she woke up and was curious about EVERYthing. While watching her I imagined what her running inner commentary might have been-what is that beeping, mom your sweater has a print I find endlessly fascinating, what is that new black and white thing hanging down from my crib, fingers??...Ooooo fingers!! And yes, Mira uses words like fascinating and endlessly-I told you she was smart! Each and every thing she saw was new, interesting and something that had to be investigated. But only for a second!! Because then there were more new and interesting things she wanted to stare at and contemplate.

Probably the best part of the week...no wait the best part of this whole 6 weeks was the smile she gave me. Now I know what parents say when they try to explain how with one smile their kids could make them do anything. Anything! You want a trip to Disney land Paris? Right now? OK!! Lets do it! In one instant my heart melted, broke, bursted open and reached out to that big fat gummy smile. And Mira must have known because she gave me not one or two of them, she gave me three of those grins. Not only does it feel like we can finally connect, it feels like Mira is happy and that makes me happy. To see your baby go through so much pain and hardship and to imagine they are feeling scared, its so very difficult to say the least. 

So seeing Mira happy and content and excited to have me be with her-it is beyond words. I find that these past few days it is just so difficult to leave this baby who seems to need me now, who seems to notice when I am there and when I am not. One of the worst feelings throughout all of this were the feelings of helplessness, of uselessness. I am starting to feel those feelings fade away, replaced by a new  purpose...Make Mira smile!!